I'm out of words

This week, I was going to write more about Halo 4, and the problems that stem from the multitude of the game's missing features, but then something caught my attention. A friend showed me this video, and I was convinced it was a hoax. I had to look it up online, and then ask a friend who owns the game before it sank in that this was real. Before I get to my point though, I should explain my feelings on Call of Duty.

Now, I have never been the biggest fan of Call of Duty, mostly because it represents the very worst elements of any entertainment industry. That's not a judgment of anyone who plays or enjoys Call of Duty, just a fact. The game is cheap, addictive, and easy to reproduce. If you find the Call of Duty series fun, that's fine, you may even love it for its campaign, or for the multiplayer, or maybe you just love zombies, but the fact is that Call of Duty doesn't add anything to the game industry, or to the video game medium as a whole. A good parallel for this is mindless action movies, like Transformers. Transformers isn't going to win any awards for storytelling, and in fifty years no one is going to look back at it and examine it for its artistic value, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun to watch in the moment. The Call of Duty series is the Transformers of the game industry, while fun to play or watch, the viewer/player isn't taking anything away from the experience.

What do I mean by "not taking anything away"? Let's compare Call of Duty, an arguably competitive multiplayer game, to another genre of games, let's say, fighting games. Most fighting games have a story mode, or arcade mode, designed to have the player test out different characters, learn their strengths and weaknesses, and practice. The objective is to learn the game better, and as a result, get better at the game. Conversely, the objective in Call of Duty is just to keep playing. All unlocks and items are unlocked simply by playing the game more, and player skill is never a factor. Sure, you'll learn the maps better, and probably develop better reflexes, but the fact remains that you could get everything in the game and still be totally awful at it, it doesn't push you to get better or improve, as long as you keep playing. Call of Duty is a game for people with lots of free time, and who get easily addicted to things, again, not a judgment, just a fact. However this philosophy of design makes pre-teens and teenagers a primary demographic for this series. Lots of adults play Call of Duty, sure, but Activision can't ignore the massive player-base of kids who are too young to technically even buy the game. This leads me perfectly back to the topic of this article, this video:

That there, is the ending cinematic for Call of Duty: Black Ops II. It features the characters of the game at an Avenged Sevenfold concert, hanging out with the band (who are voiced by the actual band members, by the way), and playing their new single, which they supposedly wrote for the game, while scenes from the game flash on stage.

What. I have no words for this, I was literally rendered speechless when I first saw it. Is this a joke? Is it a cry for help from the developers, trying their best to feature something unique in the game? Is it a troll? Something Treyarch added at the last minute because they figured they could get away with it? Is Call of Duty finally embracing that it is a game for fourteen year olds and is embracing that in every way possible? And regardless of the reasons, why does it look so bad, and is so badly animated? I don't know, but according to the YouTube comments, the fans seem to love it.

I could accept that it was a legitimate part of the game that Treyarch thought would be cool, if it wasn't so badly done. Look at those animations, look at them. Why are the textures for that drum kit so bad? Why have the band members voice themselves if they are awful at voice acting and syncing up lines? Why is Hilary Clinton there, and rocking out so hard? Where are everyone's guitar straps!? 

I'm a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizard!

Guitar Hero and Rock Band don't have guitar straps in their games for technical reasons, why are they missing here? Was this made for a PS2? Is it 2004? What happened, where am I?

This whole video just screams of a low effort attempt to appeal to the lowest common denominator Call of Duty player. You know the guy, teenager, chugs monster energy drinks all the time, has an iPhone, an iPad, and whatever else he wants because his parents don't know how to tell him no, and most importantly loves mediocre metal like Avenged Sevenfold. It's possible that the whole thing is a joke, designed to make fun of those very people, but it's so badly put together that it's just embarrassing to watch. The only thing I can really say is why? Why was this made? Maybe I'm just too old to understand kids these days, and I'm going to get lots of comments telling me so in the most vulgar way possible. Can "Stay off my comments section!" be the new "get off my lawn!"?